In-House Designers: 37 Ways to Get Fired

Piss Off Your Peers and Managers

Take credit for as much work as you can (and more). Never share credit with others. Bonus tip: Do not participate in any team-building events, departmental social gatherings, welcome parties for new staff hires or send-offs for departing colleagues.

15. Work on freelance projects on company time.
If your manager can’t keep you busy, that’s her problem. Never offer to take on a long-term project such as archiving all your stock images.

16. Complain about your peers to your fellow designers, managers and staff in other departments.

17. Never do any work that you can pass off to a more junior member of your team.

18. Keep personal files on the company workstation—especially pirated music and movies.

19. Hand off files that are a complete mess to your production artists.
Use low-res images, apply font styles in your layout programs and don’t include dielines or correct dimensions.

20. Use company resources for personal use.
Send personal FedEx packages, make personal long distance calls (preferably international) and use company printers for your yard sale posters.

21. Complain to your manager as much as possible and never offer up solutions.
That’s his job.

22. Never work overtime, no matter how critical the project is.
Your manager gets paid more than you; let her give up a Saturday afternoon.

23. Leapfrog over your manager to his supervisor when you have a disagreement.
Make sure to bad-mouth your manager when doing so.

24. Dis your co-workers, managers and company on your Facebook page.
No one you work with would ever find it, and even if they did, you weren’t posting to it on company time so it’s a private affair. Bonus tip: Start a blog about work and invite all your co-workers to join in the fun. This will help them get fired, too!

25. Send inappropriate e-mails from your work account.
Cram as many sex jokes, ethnic slurs and links to porn sites into your missives to friends as you can.

26. Bypass your team and contact the client directly without your peers’ knowledge or consent.
You need to get the project done, project manager be damned.

27. Create folders on your workstation with titles like “Bullshit.”
Then, put company notices, promotion announcements and departmental policy e-mails in it.

28. Be a yes-man.
Never offer up ideas that may challenge your peers or your manager. Make sure they know you’re a brownnoser by nodding in constant agreement as vigorously as a bobble-head on the dashboard of a Jeep. (This may not get you fired, but you’ll be first in line at layoff time.)

29. Be uncoachable.
Brush off anyone’s attempt to offer constructive criticism and support. Be defensive. Act like a know-it-all. Argue with those trying to help.

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